Communication is Key: How to Talk to Your Child
As your child gets older, your relationship will change. She’s getting older, facing more difficult situations, and her behavior may be out of the ordinary as she adjusts to understanding her feelings. It’s best to keep healthy communication practices in place while customizing it based on her age and needs. Improve your bond with your child by implementing these methods for talking to your child in a healthy way.
Make Time
Show your child that you acknowledge her feelings and value her thoughts. This will help her express whatever she is feeling. Set time aside to check-in, and really listen to each other. Having meals together as a family, for instance, promotes communication and bonding. Use this time to ask questions, like “how was your day?” and “how are you feeling?” Once you start making a routine out of chatting every day, opening up will become easier.
Be Open
We encourage you to really be open and encourage your child’s feelings. Whether it’s anger, anxiety, or fear, listen carefully. She will start developing an understanding of the vocabulary of feelings. When she discusses her emotions, it prevents her from acting out on them. Make sure she understands that discussing anger is far different from displaying anger. Show interest in your child’s honesty with encouragement, by repeating what she’s saying to you and with phrases such as “tell me about,” “feel free to continue,” and “really!” Don’t cut her off or assume what she is going to say. Let her finish before you speak your part. You’ll want her to be engaged in the conversation.
Body Language
Really tune in to what your child is saying, not just with her words, but with her body language and facial expressions, too. If her non-verbal messages seem off, it’s crucial you ask her if she’s okay, just like you would with verbal messages. For example, according to Parents magazine, children ages six to 12 will display signs of illness, including sleep problems, loss of appetite, and not wanting Mom and Dad to leave.
No Blame
Do not blame or criticize your child for anything she’s done wrong. If you are upset with something she has done, hear her out, and then explain why she shouldn’t have done it. By communicating the consequences of her actions, she will likely never do it again.
Work Together
Let her know that her problems are your problems and you’re there every step of the way. Assure her that her feelings are normal, and even bring up times when you’ve felt them, too. Be a role model and set an example by expressing your own empathy and emotions out loud. Parents who can reflect their own feelings help school-age children learn how to talk about their own. By providing examples of your own feelings and behaviors, it will make her feel less alone and more connected to you. In the end, she will feel comfortable communicating with you.
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